i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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