This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
