I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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