so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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