I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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