A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
