i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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