when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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