She's JV to your varsity
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
