so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
