Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
