so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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