nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
