I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.