Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering