Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off