mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
