i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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