you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
