Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My feet surprised me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
