Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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