And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
3 2 1 whiskey
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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