I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
