Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
only if we run a train.
done.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
