you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
