My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
