i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He better not be in your backpack
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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