Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
