she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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