Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
