Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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