Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
