i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
