I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
