Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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