Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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