one might say we're banned from that church
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
