you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize