a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
