so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
