Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
