okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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