Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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