Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
