so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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