I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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