I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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