The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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