Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
