I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize