I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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