Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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