Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
