I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize