I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
