Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
