How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
