Jerry, you need to find god
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
