I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
