Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You took a bar mat shot.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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