I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
